2014

there are five days left of 2014. 

that's scary.

but also in some ways a relief. 

2014, it has been a wild ride. 

but 2015, I am ready for you.

december 31, 2013 I was invited to a new years eve party. I drove to my friend's house and sat outside in my car for 15 minutes crying because I was too scared to go in. at the time I didn't know them well, and I didn't know who else was going to be at the party. I thought I was a pity invite and that it wouldn't really matter if I didn't show up. so I went back home without ever even going in. I texted them saying that I wasn't feeling well -- my go too excuse when I'm panicking. my first few moments of 2014 were spent locked in my room watching netflix in an effort to distract me from the pain that I was feeling in my life. 

I remember thinking that 2014 could only go up from here. and for the most part it did, with a few bumps in the road of course. seconds semester senior year was a blur, to be honest. it was a lot of lasts and surprisingly a lot of work. I wrote a thesis paper on the history and importance of book covers and to this day I am still not quite sure how I managed to write 20 pages on a topic as obscure as that. but I survived and on may 2nd I finished high school classes. I went to prom and realized that it is very overrated, in fact it kind of sucked. I graduated high school after getting three hours of sleep the night before, I didn't think I could survive the hour long ceremony on such little sleep, but I did. I did a lot of things that I didn't think I could do this year. 

days after graduating my dad and I went to the pacific northwest, it was a fabulous vacation aside from the persistent panic attacks that I got daily. we visited seattle and portland and I fell in love with both of them. also the trees. the pacific northwest has some fantastic trees. after returning home I had my graduation party where there were entirely too many pictures of me (thanks mom) but I loved having so many people that I love in my house at the same time. that next morning I was off to windy gap (a young life camp) bright and early. I'm going to be completely honest and tell you that windy gap was one of the worst weeks of my life. for outside reasons though, it was not young life's fault. I gained so much appreciation for the organization and their mission, young life is truly an incredible thing. I learned a lot about suffering at my week at windy gap, and a lot of things about myself. I didn't think I could survive the week, but I did. notice a common theme?

in july I went to north carolina for a week and then arizona, utah, and colorado for ten days with my family. we went to five national parks (five!!!!!) and it was absolutely wonderful. I think God spent a little more time out west, it is so beautiful! I did so much this summer that it was kind of a blur. 

and then I went to college. 

and I called my mom saying that I wanted to go home.

I didn't think I could do college.

I didn't think it was for me. 

but guess what?

I stayed. 

and little by little I fell in love with college. 

I can tell you it's nothing that I did. I owe my success in my first semester of college all to God. I could not have survived college without Him. Elon has become my new home (home #7, ha) and I am so thankful for the community that I have found there. for the first time in my life, I have put Jesus in the center of my life, not just as the center of my sundays. and let me tell you, crazy things happen when you learn to trust and follow Jesus. crazy awesome things. I learned to invest in relationships, not things. I learned to base my self worth on God alone. and I learned that God has really fantastic plans for my life. I'm so thankful for this first semester of college even though it was hard, and I could not be even more pumped for next semester!! I think it's safe to say that 2014 is ending a lot better than it started.

2014 shattered my comfort zone, here's to 2015 shattering it even more. 

also, I've declared 2015, the year of adventure, travel, and minimalism.